Of bruised apples and broken eggs

Commentary by Patrick Keller

In grade school, my lunch may have included the following: A PBJ sandwich or hard boiled egg, some carrots or celery, perhaps a cup of yogurt and an apple; all in a brown paper bag. It was not exotic; it may have even been dull. It looked like every other bagged lunch on every other desk around me. New lunch ‘technology’ has more flash, more flavouring and a lot more packaging. Now, lunch comes pre-bagged in a brightly colored, plastic bag. Inside, you can find a juice box, a taco and today’s equivalent of an apple, the “Fruit Snack.” These high-sugar low-fat pectin strips are concocted into a dazzling array of flavours and colours. Known for sugar highs, they contain 25 per cent of the daily recommended vitamin C intake. And, unlike the bulky apple, each machined fruit-like strip weighs in at a sporty 21 grams, 10 of which is sugar. Nutritional considerations (or lack of) aside, this packaged lunch contains more volume in packaging than it does sustenance; an empty juice box, a plastic taco wrapper, cellophane fruit-wrap and a plastic bag. But, its not just ‘healthy’ foods that are enjoying an extreme makeover from rogue marketers. They may not have come right out and said it, but chocolate bar manufacturers are concerned about your health. To that end, they have repackaged the bulky nuisance of a chocolate bar into individually wrapped bite-sized ‘smart’ snacks, in a conveniently large cardboard box. Producers broke serious ground when they proved that wine in a box was palatable. Since then, everything fluid has been squeezed into a Tetrapak. Liquids may be the most organic form we work with, and yet by putting them in a square foil and paper box, we have once again beaten back natures whimsy. Now that people have warmed to the idea of pouring soup from a box, we are primed for the ultimate coup de grace; eggs in a bottle. Finally, someone improved on “nature’s greatest container.” Sure, eggshells can withstand thousands of times their weight. Eggs exchange carbon dioxide through 17 million pores at a rate so precise that an egg will remain edible after sitting on a counter for weeks. Calcium and magnesium rich, they are the only safe animal product to add to a compost heap. They don’t smell or mold when decomposing. Surely, we can do better! Now, finally freed from the tyranny of cracking eggs over a hot frying pan, we can return again to our rightful purpose: Recycling! But, isn’t cracking an egg over a hot griddle a part of our genetic heritage? Bacon-in-a-box may make a comfortable neighbor to toner cartridges and fabric softener, but the egg shell is an incomparable wonder! An egg may just represent life’s greatest mysteries and possibilities! Or not. In an era of media fear mongering about decreasing landfill space and end-user responsibility, the confusing message from manufacturers seems to be “we will give you more things to feel good about recycling.” Soon, an eye-dropper may be included with each vial of ultra-concentrated laundry detergent, freeing up untold landfill space. That should leave plenty of room for all of our mop heads, lunch bags and chocolate wrappers. Johnny Appleseed must be spinning in his compost-rich grave!

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