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It’s time to get over it
Pastor Eric J. Kregel
South Peace News
In our present age, we have a lot to fear; stress is everywhere. The question remains what do we do with our fear?
When I was in seventh grade, I went to my first dance. On one side of John Steinbeck Middle School’s multi-purpose room stood a menacing, stalwart row of girls: all of them several inches taller than the boys, made-up in their beautifying war-paint, and their nimble fists planted on their hips as they stared across the room.
On the other side were the boys: shaking with testosterone, riddled with zits and bad smells, and fearful of these beauties across the room. In the centre were the few, the lucky couples who danced to their own validation.
I wanted to dance with a girl so badly, but I was scared to death to make such a request. What if she laughed at me? Or worst, they became so enraged that I would dare ask them that they would headlock me, pin me down, and humiliate me in front of the whole school?
So in the middle of my dance, I approached a male teacher and told him I wanted to ask a girl to dance. He slapped me on the back and said, “Don’t worry about it, sport!”
And then went back to talking with the other teachers.
Don’t worry about it! But I was worrying about it! I resolved to quit worrying about it. I couldn’t. I didn’t want to be put in a headlock by one of these fair-headed Amazons.
Don’t worry about it! I stood, looking across the room at these girls.
Don’t worry about it! Scared, I looked away. Stop thinking about it. I can’t stop actively thinking about something?
Don’t worry about it. I was told not to worry about it. I can’t!
That night, I left without ever dancing with a girl and felt less of a man than if I had stayed home and watched cartoons.
Why do we subject ourselves to this insanity? A friend of mine who struggled with fitting in a Christian Church described a dynamic called “lookism”, a term I believe applies to our treatment of fear.
“You see,” she said, “You have to look the part of a moderate, put together Christian. You cannot show any signs of anger, anxiety, or sadness. Everything must seem to be a victory. It’s the Christian philosophy of lookism: you must look like the finished product of the church’s work even if that means lying.”
Lookism or, a more ancient term, legalism. This notion that we must look good, appear to be a put-together Christian - for the sake of the world to beg us what our “secret” is or, the very least, to get the pastors off our backs so we never have to go to church.
Lookism exists in the congregation and within many pulpits; it exists outside the church, in the community. How many times have you heard the inspiring message to “get over” your past? To fear not, everything is all right? Quit worrying? Walk down the aisle to make the resolution never to worry again ... ever?
And we can’t. The philosophy of Lookism regarding fear is that it is something to avoid, something God is obligated to magically lift believers out of and have them float over unscathed.
Or if you’re not a Christian, you somehow escape worry by “positive thinking” or some other secret. And we then make the bold resolutions lasting for a couple of days. Never fear again ... until the next time!
Other than pretending, there is another way to handle our fears that we’ve missed and in order to find this new way, we must go to the Bible. In 1 Peter 3:14-15, the author writes, “Be not afraid of their terror, neither be troubled; But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts.”
We find some very common elements in this passage. Yes, terror is around us and terror was around the church Peter wrote to; yes, the terror we experience we have learned from the terror around us, just like them; and we, like the church, cannot just get over it.
However, there is a different proposal to fear. Rather than Peter telling his audience to snap out of it, he suggests that the sanctification of our hearts to the Lord is what helps us cope with fear. In other words, we are not to escape fear but to go through our fear for the purpose of sanctification. Enter fear, going into the heart and allowing God to lead us through to the other side, which is faith in Him.
What is sanctification? It is the process a believer goes through, inch by inch, to resemble a little more like God and little less like everyone else in the world. It is not instantaneous or rendered by a sudden, dramatic resolution.
Instead, it is a process that is messy, full of blunders and successes, which takes a believer deep within him/herself to see the naked, unguarded soul and work together with God to see the fear, go into the fear, and pass through the fear to the other side where faith waits patiently.
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