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Editorial: English language full of animal idioms
Commentary by Theresa Seraphim
for South Peace News
Firelight bounced off the animals as they gathered in the clearing. The lion roared to call the meeting to order.
“All right, we all know why we’re here this evening,” he said. “We’ve got to protest the way humans are using us in their English language.”
“Absolutely!” yelled the bull. “I’m ready to go charging right over there right now and tell them a thing or two! They think I couldn’t go into a China shop without knocking something over! Ow!” he yelled as he slammed into the hyena.
“At least those in the stock market look on you positively – unlike me,” grumbled the bear.
“Well, what about me?” asked the skunk, taking a swig from a rum bottle. “I just have a little, now and then. Contrary to what humans think, I do not over-imbibe!”
He whirled around at a whispering sound, as the snake came out of the brush.
“Man, you scared me!” said the skunk. “Do you have to hide like that?”
The snake shook its head. “Well, of course, I will be in the grass – it’s cooler there! It doesn’t mean I’m going to strike any humans."
The goat looked at the hyena, whose coat was disheveled.
“Sheesh – you look like something the cat dragged in,” said the goat, earning a glare from the feline who overheard.
The cuckoo chimed in with, “Well, I’m not insane, but if they keep using me as an example of being crazy, I’ll be mad, all right."
“Hear, hear!” called the loon. “I know exactly how you feel!”
The horse swallowed its last mouthful of grass.
“See – I didn’t eat that much!” he snorted, tossing his mane and then burping.
All conversation ceased as the ram and ewe began arguing.
“How could you have deceived me with that – that – jerk?” yelled the ram. “I want a divorce.”
“No, no, please – let’s start again,” begged the ewe.
“Forget it!” hissed the ram. “You’re just a wolf in sheep’s clothing.”
Suddenly realizing they were the centre of attention, the ram and ewe stopped speaking and looked away from each other.
“All right,” said the lion immediately, to spare them further embarrassment. “Who’s going to go to the humans and tell them we’re tired of being stereotyped?”
When no creature stepped forward, the lion declared, “Let’s choose someone neutral – someone for whom there is no saying.”
The animals looked at each other.
“Anyone?” asked the lion.
“I don’t think so, sir,” replied the ladybug. “It seems all of us, in one way or another, have been generalized by humans.”
The ensuing silence was broken by the horse.
“Well then, what do we do?” he asked.
The ram shrugged his shoulders. “Well,” he said thoughtfully, “I suppose it does reflect our behaviour, doesn’t it? Both the bad and the good, I mean.”
“And it denotes the purpose each of us has,” nodded the skunk.
“I just wish sometimes it was more positive,” said the skunk.
“What about some kind of education?” asked the snake. “You know, like bringing in a zoologist to tell them what we’re really like!”
“Very good idea,” nodded the lion. “I’ll call the local university in the morning and we’ll set up a public meeting for that purpose. All in favour?”
All hands went up, except for the snake, who vigorously nodded his head.
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